Labour: A Discussion
Ever notice, you get a group of women together, they share their birth stories? Ever notice, many of those stories have little or no positive aspects? Having worked with birthing women for the last decade or two, I have a few thoughts.
The chat goes something like this: "My labour was awful! It started in the middle of the night, then I got absolutely no sleep for the next 46 hours while I laboured!" Or "It was awful, I laboured for 25 hours, then I pushed forEVer, then I didn't sleep for hours after, even though I was EXHAUSTED" You can fill in more blanks, I am sure! But I wonder, where does this need to compete for the worst birthing experience come from?
The competition thing. It doesn't begin with birth! It doesn't end there, either- women are competitive in so many areas! But for sake of discussion, today let's look at birth itself!
I have noticed that women have very little or no experience in birth prior to their own first birthing experience. There is no sense of the wide variations of normal! We no longer have the discussions or knowledge passed on by mothers and grandmothers and aunties that once were part of our weave! Girls grew up in the culture of normal birth and very likely had many experiences with birth and child-rearing long before her own first experiences. Fear wasn't part of it, so much- more like the understanding this was simply a woman's contribution! Now, thanks to popular media, we have lots of voyeuristic opportunities to experience sex and birth before our own experiences- but it's pretty inaccurate! By the way, my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek, since I say thanks to media, when what I really mean is NOT thanks! It is so inaccurate in how it portrays relationships, it is therefore very inaccurate in how it portrays birth. I have an excellent DVD by an anthropologist that looks at how media has intervened in our views: Labouring Under An Illusion. It's worth finding for your own interest! In my birthing preparation classes, I always ask where people have found out about birth, how much birth experience they have and what they know of their own births. It is so telling as to where things will go for them!
This discussion was prompted by a post from Gloria Lemay, a traditional birth assistant who is a peer of Ina May Gaskin. The question for discussion: Labour- when is it active? And does that last 46 hours? Or even 25??
Ladies, labour is NOT a timed event! It takes the time it needs to as it prepares your body and mind and spirit for what is to come! the variations of normal are pretty wide- but what we know is, babies all come out! Just like due dates, that time that a baby is doing it's last bits of preparation on the inside, the outer world needs to be prepared as well! I think due dates will be an upcoming discussion too! But labour. Early labour is that time when the boody has kicked into gear. The final preparations for descent are taking place. Excitement and apprehension, fear and love flood mama! So many things affect this early time! As the cervix softens and moves forward in silent mystery, oxytocin releases a bit more each time to create the circumstances for the thinning and dilation needed for the baby to "move out" of it's lovely first home. That oxytocin prepares the mama's heart as well, sending out loving thoughts and nurturing capacity. The early time is an opportunity to chill, bake, read a book, snuggle with your partner, nap, be massaged, eat something yummy, make a meal for when the baby arrives....anything NORMAL! And for heaven's sake, DON'T time those contractions! Your body will let you know when the intensity changes!! Your body has a lot of work to do to get ready for what is ahead--and your mind and emotions are involved too!! So, do what you can to stay comfortable, to stay soft and feel loved! this can take hours--or days!! So, ignoring it, or letting it rest in the back of your mind is such a great response to this early, gentle time!
What if it's hurting a lot and those contractions are close, like 2 minutes apart and it hurts? Well, there are certainly lots of reasons that could be true, but a huge reason that is possible is due to a fear response! Fear releases adrenalin. In our bodies, adrenalin is the hormone released for a fear response and it causes us to prepare for flight, freezing or fighting responses. In other words, your heart rate speeds up, your breathing intensifies and your blood fills your muscles in preparation for you to respond to the danger causing the fear response. It hardens you. If your contractions are in response to fear, they will be hard, intense and close, but perhaps only 30 seconds long. Again, this is not a full discussion, but it is certainly an observation! Birth is such a mind-body response, it's important to look at how you view it before labour begins! Are you afraid of anything? Have others' experiences coloured your own? Have you been sleeping well? Eating well? Getting gentle exercise? It's amazing the variety of what will change labour! And here is an interesting note: the Bible has a verse "Perfect love casts out fear". And it's true! Oxytocin and adrenalin cannot live in the same space!
Oxytocin. The love hormone. It is our body's response to being loved, being nurtured and makes us nurturing and responsive in relationships. Remember when you first met your lover? your eyes met and your body warmed up. Your face flushed. You noticed them! When you first held hands, hugged, kissed, that warmth coursed through you and you began to think of deeper intimacy. That was your oxytocin speaking! Oxytocin is the hormone available as a response in your body, creating orgasm, contractions, fetal ejection and milk ejection. It creates a softening and releases moisture, bringing blood to the areas that need to fill up to soften. It feels GOOD! There's quite a wide array of writing oon this, but Dr. Sarah Buckley's work on Optimal Physiological Labour explains the protective factors of our bodies and the supports needed to acheive full use of oxytocin and it's helpers- melatonin, beta-endorphins and prolactin-- well worth finding her paper! I have to say, there is so much more on this, but today, this is just a short discussion! It is also worth noting here, pitocin or man-made oxytocin, is used to enhance or speed up labour. It is not managed by the brain, so doesn't feel good like the xytocin made and managed by the body. Am I saying labour doesn't hurt? No! But the pain is managed well by the oxytocin response. Some have mentined that birth didn't hurt but was what they expected of hard work. There are other who find birth orgasmic and those feelings of ecstacy are available for everyone. I would encourage you to find out more about how the hormones of birth are designed to help with pain managment and the softening needed for the safe passage of your baby from the womb to the world.
Labour- that early part? Remember, the early part is that time of preparation. Don't time those contractions! Yur body will let you know when things are changing! Prepare the things you can, control what you can, but for this journey, surrender is the key! I do honestly think that a person's ability to surrender and to accept makes a huge difference in the length of the labour and a woman's view of it! Ultimately, your body will work with what it has available, but what can YOU do to help the process! Do women experience 25 or 46 hour labours? You bet they do! But perspective is interesting! If we were to find out that they timed every single contraction from first twinge on, then we would likely have a better picture! I am not discounting their perspective at all! But in this culture of competition, I would love to see women feeling safe to share their great experiences, their ecstatic feelings, their pride at a job well done! Let's reset the competition, let's support women to have the best experience they can possibly have under whatever circumstances they are given! And let's practice mindfulness, that place where we can be, in the now, in the moment and live each experience for itself! Let's change those birth stories and change competition to support.
Be loved, enjoy love, let love be in control! Make labour like making love- quiet, dark, unobserved and safe.In the wise words of Ina May Gaskin: "Loving is what got {baby} in there, loving is what will get them out!"
The chat goes something like this: "My labour was awful! It started in the middle of the night, then I got absolutely no sleep for the next 46 hours while I laboured!" Or "It was awful, I laboured for 25 hours, then I pushed forEVer, then I didn't sleep for hours after, even though I was EXHAUSTED" You can fill in more blanks, I am sure! But I wonder, where does this need to compete for the worst birthing experience come from?
The competition thing. It doesn't begin with birth! It doesn't end there, either- women are competitive in so many areas! But for sake of discussion, today let's look at birth itself!
I have noticed that women have very little or no experience in birth prior to their own first birthing experience. There is no sense of the wide variations of normal! We no longer have the discussions or knowledge passed on by mothers and grandmothers and aunties that once were part of our weave! Girls grew up in the culture of normal birth and very likely had many experiences with birth and child-rearing long before her own first experiences. Fear wasn't part of it, so much- more like the understanding this was simply a woman's contribution! Now, thanks to popular media, we have lots of voyeuristic opportunities to experience sex and birth before our own experiences- but it's pretty inaccurate! By the way, my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek, since I say thanks to media, when what I really mean is NOT thanks! It is so inaccurate in how it portrays relationships, it is therefore very inaccurate in how it portrays birth. I have an excellent DVD by an anthropologist that looks at how media has intervened in our views: Labouring Under An Illusion. It's worth finding for your own interest! In my birthing preparation classes, I always ask where people have found out about birth, how much birth experience they have and what they know of their own births. It is so telling as to where things will go for them!
This discussion was prompted by a post from Gloria Lemay, a traditional birth assistant who is a peer of Ina May Gaskin. The question for discussion: Labour- when is it active? And does that last 46 hours? Or even 25??
Ladies, labour is NOT a timed event! It takes the time it needs to as it prepares your body and mind and spirit for what is to come! the variations of normal are pretty wide- but what we know is, babies all come out! Just like due dates, that time that a baby is doing it's last bits of preparation on the inside, the outer world needs to be prepared as well! I think due dates will be an upcoming discussion too! But labour. Early labour is that time when the boody has kicked into gear. The final preparations for descent are taking place. Excitement and apprehension, fear and love flood mama! So many things affect this early time! As the cervix softens and moves forward in silent mystery, oxytocin releases a bit more each time to create the circumstances for the thinning and dilation needed for the baby to "move out" of it's lovely first home. That oxytocin prepares the mama's heart as well, sending out loving thoughts and nurturing capacity. The early time is an opportunity to chill, bake, read a book, snuggle with your partner, nap, be massaged, eat something yummy, make a meal for when the baby arrives....anything NORMAL! And for heaven's sake, DON'T time those contractions! Your body will let you know when the intensity changes!! Your body has a lot of work to do to get ready for what is ahead--and your mind and emotions are involved too!! So, do what you can to stay comfortable, to stay soft and feel loved! this can take hours--or days!! So, ignoring it, or letting it rest in the back of your mind is such a great response to this early, gentle time!
What if it's hurting a lot and those contractions are close, like 2 minutes apart and it hurts? Well, there are certainly lots of reasons that could be true, but a huge reason that is possible is due to a fear response! Fear releases adrenalin. In our bodies, adrenalin is the hormone released for a fear response and it causes us to prepare for flight, freezing or fighting responses. In other words, your heart rate speeds up, your breathing intensifies and your blood fills your muscles in preparation for you to respond to the danger causing the fear response. It hardens you. If your contractions are in response to fear, they will be hard, intense and close, but perhaps only 30 seconds long. Again, this is not a full discussion, but it is certainly an observation! Birth is such a mind-body response, it's important to look at how you view it before labour begins! Are you afraid of anything? Have others' experiences coloured your own? Have you been sleeping well? Eating well? Getting gentle exercise? It's amazing the variety of what will change labour! And here is an interesting note: the Bible has a verse "Perfect love casts out fear". And it's true! Oxytocin and adrenalin cannot live in the same space!
Oxytocin. The love hormone. It is our body's response to being loved, being nurtured and makes us nurturing and responsive in relationships. Remember when you first met your lover? your eyes met and your body warmed up. Your face flushed. You noticed them! When you first held hands, hugged, kissed, that warmth coursed through you and you began to think of deeper intimacy. That was your oxytocin speaking! Oxytocin is the hormone available as a response in your body, creating orgasm, contractions, fetal ejection and milk ejection. It creates a softening and releases moisture, bringing blood to the areas that need to fill up to soften. It feels GOOD! There's quite a wide array of writing oon this, but Dr. Sarah Buckley's work on Optimal Physiological Labour explains the protective factors of our bodies and the supports needed to acheive full use of oxytocin and it's helpers- melatonin, beta-endorphins and prolactin-- well worth finding her paper! I have to say, there is so much more on this, but today, this is just a short discussion! It is also worth noting here, pitocin or man-made oxytocin, is used to enhance or speed up labour. It is not managed by the brain, so doesn't feel good like the xytocin made and managed by the body. Am I saying labour doesn't hurt? No! But the pain is managed well by the oxytocin response. Some have mentined that birth didn't hurt but was what they expected of hard work. There are other who find birth orgasmic and those feelings of ecstacy are available for everyone. I would encourage you to find out more about how the hormones of birth are designed to help with pain managment and the softening needed for the safe passage of your baby from the womb to the world.
Labour- that early part? Remember, the early part is that time of preparation. Don't time those contractions! Yur body will let you know when things are changing! Prepare the things you can, control what you can, but for this journey, surrender is the key! I do honestly think that a person's ability to surrender and to accept makes a huge difference in the length of the labour and a woman's view of it! Ultimately, your body will work with what it has available, but what can YOU do to help the process! Do women experience 25 or 46 hour labours? You bet they do! But perspective is interesting! If we were to find out that they timed every single contraction from first twinge on, then we would likely have a better picture! I am not discounting their perspective at all! But in this culture of competition, I would love to see women feeling safe to share their great experiences, their ecstatic feelings, their pride at a job well done! Let's reset the competition, let's support women to have the best experience they can possibly have under whatever circumstances they are given! And let's practice mindfulness, that place where we can be, in the now, in the moment and live each experience for itself! Let's change those birth stories and change competition to support.
Be loved, enjoy love, let love be in control! Make labour like making love- quiet, dark, unobserved and safe.In the wise words of Ina May Gaskin: "Loving is what got {baby} in there, loving is what will get them out!"
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